Episode 15: Dick and Johnson Go to Counseling
The Chief calls Dick, who is currently at home, at a boat ramp, feeding gators with marshmallows, while Johnson is doing the same thing, but with a different type of gator, and on a different boat ramp, on the other side of their property. The Chief tells Dick — and on a subsequent call Johnson — that performance reviews of Dick and Johnson's recent adventures indicate that their relationship appears strained, their methods have become more violent and caused more death and collateral damage, and they have both been near death numerous times, and so they are ordered to attend a couple's counseling session. A few days later, Dick and Johnson arrive at the office of therapist Dr. Shelagh MacGillycutty, who, much like Dr. Phil, prefers to be referred to by her first name, as Dr. Shelagh. Despite claiming to have no issues in their relationship, Dick and Johnson already begin an argument before even entering Dr. Shelagh's office. Together with the doctor, the two explore issues in their communication and go through seminal points in their shared past, such as the day in kindergarten when they first met. They begin analyzing their most recent adventures: their excursion to a national park, during which Dick briefly preferred to spend time with Bear Woodson over Johnson, and Dick and Johnson's shared dream, in which Dick, as the character of Shaggy, confessed his love to Velma Dinkley, but was turned down since she is not interested in men. Exploring their feelings further, they find they both feel great frustration with, and a lack of validation from each other. Johnson also feels conflicted, wanting to be close to his best friend, but, at the same time, sensing a need for distance, which Dr. Shelagh connects to him spending much of their latest fight on different planes of existence. She also notes that, during that mission, Johnson appeared to have a stronger connection to his evil twin than to Dick. Opening up even further, Dick comes to the realization that, despite being able to fight ghosts, robots, rabid beasts, Nazis, dinosaurs, Nazi-dinosaurs, and much more, his greatest struggle is fighting his emotions. Dr. Shelagh then leads the conversation to Dick and Johnson's relationship with Britney Spears, whom the two admire more than anyone, and have saved and teamed up with multiple times. During one of those times, Britney briefly fell in and out of love with Dick and then Johnson, though they claim that this has caused no lasting feelings of resentment in them towards one another or her, and that they maintain an active love life, which is helped by their immense popularity. Dick and Johnson then reminisce on a time in their early teens when they considered a romantic relationship with each other, but felt no physical attraction during a kiss. On the topic of romance, the two reveal the tragic story of meeting their first love, Jenny Jehoshaphat, that almost ended their friendship, and led to a period of several days during college they spent apart — in fact the only time in their relationship they have willingly spent apart. As the session comes to a close, the next patient, Fin Diesel, already waiting, Dr. Shelagh concludes that Dick and Johnson's relationship is still strong, they only need to work on their communication. Dick and Johnson decide to instead have a fist fight and, with a single punch, explode the entire office (possibly killing Dr. Shelagh) and renewing their bond, stronger than ever.